Lost in Midlife

Monty, the Talking Dog

Monty, the Talking Dog

I have a talking dog. We didn’t know it when we got him, of course. He didn’t reveal this talent to us right away. He would vocalize occasionally in dog speak, but no one really had any idea what he was saying because he spoke in his language and we spoke in ours and there was no Rosetta Stone program…

My Funny Valentine

My Funny Valentine

Being the wonderful guy that he is, my husband knows that the way to my heart is through chocolate. I’m not a snob… really any chocolate will do.  Except the kind with coconut on the inside. Or cherry goop. Or insects.   But other than that, I’m happy to be lavished with any other kind of chocolates.  This has made buying me a…

This Old House

This Old House

Twenty years ago, in the dead of winter, after a year and a half of working with a realtor and losing every home we liked in a bidding war, I decided to take the job of finding us a home into my own hands. I made up a flier, found a neighborhood I liked, and then trudged through the snow…

My Toilet Paper Runneth Over

My Toilet Paper Runneth Over

“Hey honey, why is there a roll of toilet paper in my shoe?” asked my husband. It was a perfectly reasonable question. People don’t normally store rolls of toilet paper in their husband’s shoes. But I had a Defcon 5 toilet paper storage situation. And also, I’m not normal. The trouble started when I ordered toilet paper online. Because we…

Ducking the Truth

Ducking the Truth

One of the first things you’re required to do when you’re listing a house is fill out a Seller’s Disclosure Statement. This is where you divulge the condition of your property and anything in or outside the home that might not be in the best of shape or of concern for the buyer. Which led us to wonder: “Honey, do…

My Latest Column – The Devil Wears Pistachio

My Latest Column – The Devil Wears Pistachio

Every year around this time, I get inundated with emails telling me about the latest fall trends and what I should buy and what I should toss. Having been down this wardrobe rabbit hole before, I didn’t want to make a fall fashion faux-pas, such as I did last year, when one trendsetting site told me that the “it” shoe…

Hey, Who Dropped that Fruitcake on my Foot?

Hey, Who Dropped that Fruitcake on my Foot?

This month, while most people are suffering from colds and flu, I have developed a lesser known malady known as Lickity Spit Tongue.  This condition is marked by a dry, slighty gummy tongue, caused by licking hundreds of stamps and envelopes for my holiday cards because the post office ran out of the self-stick kind. While Lickity Spit Tongue may…

What Would Erma Do?

What Would Erma Do?

I’ve had the unique opportunity to be both an attendee and a member of the faculty at the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop.  As an attendee, at my first conference, with one local newspaper column Under my belt, I arrived petrified (not petrified like a Wooly Mammoth but petrified like a chocolate addict who’s run out of her stash of M&Ms).…

So, Where the Heck Have I Been?

So, Where the Heck Have I Been?

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted on here, but it’s been a pretty crazy summer.   The truth of the matter is, I’ve been struggling a bit after my ego took a pretty big hit.  You see, the unthinkable happened. I’ve been blocked on Facebook… again. When I say, again, I dont mean to make it sound…

It’s Not Easy Being Green

It’s Not Easy Being Green

As I turned my back to the pool to set up a chaise lounge, I heard a small splash. The splash was definitely too small to be the dog, and yet it was too large to be a branch.   I scoured the pool to try to find the source of the splash. This is when I noticed something big…