Author page: Tracy Beckerman

Making the Least of a Hairy Situation

Making the Least of a Hairy Situation

One of the things I find to be a complete waste of time is shaving my legs. It’s not that I don’t need it, it’s just that the shave lasts all of about eight hours before the werewolf in me begins to re-emerge. Additionally, with the vast acreage of hairy body parts that need to be attended to, it takes…

High on the Hill was a Lonely Goatherd

High on the Hill was a Lonely Goatherd

“Hi, I’m Didi, and this is my husband Bob.  We’re your neighbors!” I stood at the door to our Vermont ski rental and stared at the older couple in front of me.  She had her hair in two tight braids on either side of her head like Heidi of the Mountain.  He was wearing lederhosen. I was speechless. “We’re on…

The Mean Old Turkey of Turkeyville

The Mean Old Turkey of Turkeyville

Clearly the wild turkey that was standing in the middle of the road had not heard about the roast turkey I made for dinner last week or he might have moved at a slightly faster pace. However, this turkey seemed in no hurry to go anywhere… but I was. Had it been the size of a normal turkey, I would…

Attack of the Frozen Forehead

Attack of the Frozen Forehead

About five years ago I noticed that the shallow lines on my forehead had started to morph into wandering rivers. Since I wear my hair very short, there wasn’t really any way to cover them up and I complained to my husband that I was starting to look old. “How old do you think you look?” he asked. “Around fifty,”…

Welcome to the Club

Welcome to the Club

“I got an invitation on Facebook to join the Magnetic Eyelashes Fan Group,” I told my husband as I stared at my computer screen. “What does that even mean,” he asked incredulously. “It’s a group on Facebook for people who like Magnetic Eyelashes, I assume.” “Is that a thing?” he said. “Apparently,” I said. “Although I have no idea what…

The French Connection

The French Connection

I’m having an affair. My kids know, of course, because they’re often with me when it happens. I know its wrong, but no matter how many promises I make to myself, I seem unable to stop it.  Much as I hate to admit it, I’m in love… with French fries. I truly loathe my weakness.  I know it’s bad for…

Chock it to Me

Chock it to Me

Every so often I get an email of doom from a friend that they got from another friend that had been circulated around the email universe for a year or more.   The latest one I received warned that we are on the verge of a severe Global Chocolate Shortage. I immediately had my doubts. But since this was chocolate they…

Having the Time of My Shoes

Having the Time of My Shoes

Like many women I know, I have a vast array of shoes. Unlike clothing, shoes, for the most part, continue to fit whether you gain or lose weight, so they are the bright spot in a sometimes cruel and taunting closet. For this reason, women take their shoes very seriously and many will spend quite some time organizing their shoes…

All Lined Up and Nowhere to Go

All Lined Up and Nowhere to Go

It was one of those days where everything was taking a ridiculously long time. There was a line at the drycleaners. A line at the supermarket. A line at the coffee shop. I was starting to think that everyone in the world had the same to-do list that I did; they were just one to-do ahead of me the whole…