Empty Nest

Putting the Veggies in Veggetti

Putting the Veggies in Veggetti

“What’s for dinner tonight?” my husband asked, inhaling deeply as he lifted the top off a simmering pot of tomato sauce. I shooed him away. “We’re having Spaghetti Marinara.” “Cool,” he said. “But I thought we were eating gluten-free?” “We are,” I assured him. “But pasta isn’t gluten-free.” “It’s not actually spaghetti,” I said. “It’s Veggetti.” “Veggetti?” he repeated. “Yeah.…

Above and Beyond the Call of Nature

Above and Beyond the Call of Nature

Contrary to popular belief, the three words a woman likes to hear most from her husband are not, “I love you.” They are, “You were right.” So, you can imagine my utter, sheer, uncontainable joy when I heard the news this week that there was finally proof of something I had been telling my husband for years: Toilet paper is…

Out of the Cast Iron Pan and into the Fire

Out of the Cast Iron Pan and into the Fire

When a friend gave me a gift of a cast iron pan, I was very appreciative. She’s a great cook and she swore by her great-grandmother’s hand-me-down cast iron pan. Apparently it had been in the family since they migrated east from the great plains in the 1800’s where they used to cook scorpions in their cast iron pans over an open flame…

A Letter to My Ovaries

Dear Jezebel and Medusa, I thought it was time I wrote you, my dear ovaries, a letter. Word on the street has it that you are not happy about the fact that you are still in business. I don’t blame you. You’ve been doing the whole egg release thing since I was 12. I’d be bored if I had the…

Monty, the Talking Dog

Monty, the Talking Dog

I have a talking dog. We didn’t know it when we got him, of course. He didn’t reveal this talent to us right away. He would vocalize occasionally in dog speak, but no one really had any idea what he was saying because he spoke in his language and we spoke in ours and there was no Rosetta Stone program…

This Old House

This Old House

Twenty years ago, in the dead of winter, after a year and a half of working with a realtor and losing every home we liked in a bidding war, I decided to take the job of finding us a home into my own hands. I made up a flier, found a neighborhood I liked, and then trudged through the snow…

My Toilet Paper Runneth Over

My Toilet Paper Runneth Over

“Hey honey, why is there a roll of toilet paper in my shoe?” asked my husband. It was a perfectly reasonable question. People don’t normally store rolls of toilet paper in their husband’s shoes. But I had a Defcon 5 toilet paper storage situation. And also, I’m not normal. The trouble started when I ordered toilet paper online. Because we…