I Shop Therefore I am

Having the Time of My Shoes

Having the Time of My Shoes

Like many women I know, I have a vast array of shoes. Unlike clothing, shoes, for the most part, continue to fit whether you gain or lose weight, so they are the bright spot in a sometimes cruel and taunting closet. For this reason, women take their shoes very seriously and many will spend quite some time organizing their shoes…

All Lined Up and Nowhere to Go

All Lined Up and Nowhere to Go

It was one of those days where everything was taking a ridiculously long time. There was a line at the drycleaners. A line at the supermarket. A line at the coffee shop. I was starting to think that everyone in the world had the same to-do list that I did; they were just one to-do ahead of me the whole…

If the Tankini Fits…

If the Tankini Fits…

This year, I worked hard to drop a few pounds over the winter so that when the summer arrived, I wouldn’t have to face my annual swimwear terror attack. Honestly, I find shark-infested waters less scary than trying on bathing suits. Bungee jumping? Piece of cake. Wrestling alligators? Not a problem. Standing half-naked in front of a three-way mirror when I…

The Cream of the Crop

The Cream of the Crop

“Oh no!” I cried from the bathroom. “Honey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” My husband ran into the room, wondering, I’m sure, what kind of tragedy could have transpired with only me, the sink, and the toilet in the room. “I’ve made a terrible mistake,” I said, looking at him forlornly. “What???” he asked. “I used my night cream instead…

The Sad, Sorry Tale of the Depot Man

The Sad, Sorry Tale of the Depot Man

“I’ll be right back,” said my husband as he headed for the door. “Where are you going?” I demanded.  We were in the middle of moving some of our stuff out of storage and putting some other stuff back in. It was a relatively massive job and I was counting on my husband to do all the heavy lifting while…

Where Do Your Eggs Come From? I’m Not Eggsactly Sure

Where Do Your Eggs Come From? I’m Not Eggsactly Sure

Years ago when I was a kid, eggs in the supermarket came in two colors: white and brown. Because I perceived the brown eggs as being slightly bigger, I suspected that they did not actually come from chickens at all, but something bigger like ducks or geese, or possibly an emu.  Of course, the brown eggs were exactly the same…

A Letter to My Leggings

A Letter to My Leggings

Dear Leggings, I think we need to talk. There was a time when you always had my back… or, at least, my backside.  You made me look darn good in boots and in sneakers, at the gym and on the street. You stuck by me through college, through babies, and after babies, which was infinitely worse, and never let so…

The Sad, Sorry Tale of the Depot Man

The Sad, Sorry Tale of the Depot Man

“I’ll be right back,” said my husband as he headed for the door. “Where are you going?” I demanded.  We were in the middle of moving our summer stuff out of storage and putting our winter stuff back in. It was a relatively massive job and I was counting on my husband to do all the heavy lifting while I…

Killing Me Softly with Your Song

Killing Me Softly with Your Song

To whomever picks out the music that gets played while we’re shopping in the supermarket, As a loyal shopper at your grocery store, I thought it was time to acknowledge the contribution you make to my weekly food shopping experience.  I imagine that yours is an often thankless job, so I figured you would appreciate some feedback for the obvious…