Today is National “I Got Nothing Done Because My Dog Yakked on the Carpet” Day.

Maybe you’ve never heard of this holiday before. It is a little-known holiday… except by people who own rugs and dogs. These folks know that if you only have one area carpet in your entire home and the WHOLE rest of the place is hardwood floors, the dog will go to yak on the rug because on National “I Got Nothing Done Because My Dog Yakked on the Carpet” Day that is the traditional way the holiday begins.

 

Before the celebration can truly get underway, of course, the dog is whisked off to the vet where he is crowned King of National “I Got Nothing Done Because My Dog Yakked on the Carpet” Day, and then, after a belly massage, and x-ray, he is declared fine and dandy and sent home with his scepter and official National “I Got Nothing Done Because My Dog Yakked on the Carpet” Day bag of Pill Pockets.

 

For those who are not in the know, the thing that makes this holiday special is that the dog always does it at night. He is like some kind of Cat Burglar, or, I guess, a Dog Burglar, except he doesn’t steal anything… he leaves things behind. While my husband and I lay slumbering in our beds, as visions of pristine rugs dance in our heads, the dog quietly yaks all over the place, leaving morning gifts for us to discover.

Doesn’t this sound like an awesome holiday so far?

 

Unfortunately, there are no parades or helium balloons on National “I Got Nothing Done Because My Dog Yakked on the Carpet” Day.  There used to be, but they got banned because the balloons scared the dog which would make him yak more. Some yakking is a holiday. Too much yakking is a visit from FEMA.

 

On National “I Got Nothing Done Because My Dog Yakked on the Carpet” Day, the dog goes into Yak Jail, which is basically the kitchen, blocked off on both ends, so he doesn’t go for a repeat performance on the rug that he missed. Of course, nothing happens in Yak Jail because there is no carpet, but we put him in there anyway because we need him out of the way while we clean up…

The Yak Mess.

 

Some yakking is a holiday.

Too much yakking is a visit from FEMA.

 

Cleaning up The Yak Mess on National “I Got Nothing Done Because My Dog Yakked on the Carpet” Day is a nasty and revolting job, but hey, it’s National “I Got Nothing Done Because My Dog Yakked on the Carpet” Day, so we do it with a bottle of dog yak spray, yards of paper towel, and a smile.

 

This is the highlight of National “I Got Nothing Done Because My Dog Yakked on the Carpet” Day and members of the family will typically fight over who gets the honor of performing this job. Once that person is chosen, he or she gets to wear the honorary National “I Got Nothing Done Because My Dog Yakked on the Carpet” Day Hazmat Suit, and is usually offered a post in the Crime Scene Clean-Up division of their local police force.

What an honor, indeed!

 

Unfortunately, the yak spray often does not do the job and you are forced to call in reinforcements…

The Doggie Yak Cleaners.

The good news is the Doggie Yak Cleaners can come right away!  The bad news is it will be a six-hour window, sometime between eleven and five, as long as it’s on a Tuesday, and Venus aligns with Saturn, and the groundhog saw his shadow, because it is National “I Got Nothing Done Because My Dog Yakked on the Carpet” Day and it’s not like you have anyplace else you need to be.

And then, after all the festivities and honors and celebrations have come to an end,  you get your second National “I Got Nothing Done Because My Dog Yakked on the Carpet” Day gift…

The Yak Bill.

 

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