I could hear the phone ringing from the bathroom.  I have no psychic abilities and I wasn’t expecting a call, but I had absolutely no doubt who was calling. It was my husband.

“Hey honey, it’s me,” I heard him say to my voicemail. “Can you give me a call?”

“I’M IN THE BATHROOM!” I yelled back, as though he could hear me.

Yes, it’s true. I’m one of those few and far between individuals who does not take their phone to the bathroom with them. Knowing myself, there is just too high a likelihood that said phone will end up falling into the toilet and it would definitely ruin my day to need to have a smartphone burial at sea. I have plenty to think about while I’m doing my business, anyway… such as why my husband always seems to call me when I’m in the bathroom.

I suspect he might actually be the one with psychic abilities because this happens nearly every time he is out of the house and I’m in the bathroom.  It’s not that I spend that much time in the bathroom or that he calls that frequently.  I’d be surprised if he calls more than once a day. But that one time a day he does call, I am, without a doubt, 100% of the time, no ifs, ands, or naked butts, on the throne.

He knows this and yet many times he will call repeatedly as though I am just avoiding his call or have accidentally been sucked into a black hole.

“Hey honey, me again.  Are you around?  Call me.”

“Hey honey, I’ve been calling home and your cell and there’s no answer. Where are you???”

If he happens to call a fourth time, I can usually wrap things up and jump out to answer the phone before he calls 911 and the police bust into my house and knock down my bathroom door with a battering ram.

“I. Was. In. The. Bathroom.” I growled.

“Oh,” he laughed.  “Sorry.”

I know he finds this hysterically funny and I suspect that he has some kind of bathroom cam that lets him know the minute I sit so he can torture me with phone calls.  I used to think once the kids got older, I could go to the bathroom in peace. Little did I know I had a husband with a juvenile sense of humor lurking in the wings who thought it would be fun to interrupt my five minutes a day of alone time.

The maddening thing, of course, is that his reason for calling is almost never anything of any urgency.  It’s usually to remind me to do something or get something or take care of something that I probably already did the first time he asked me to do it when I was NOT in the bathroom.

The maddening thing, of course, is that his reason for calling is almost never anything of any urgency.  It’s usually to remind me to do something or get something or take care of something that I probably already did the first time he asked me to do it when I was NOT in the bathroom.

“You always call when I’m in the bathroom,” I said.

“How can I possibly know that you’re in the bathroom when I call?” He chuckled.

“I don’t know. Maybe you have a sixth toilet sense, or a hidden camera, or you trained the dog to spy on me and send you an alert.”

“You think I’m doing it on purpose?” he wondered.

“Definitely,” I snarled.

“That’s crazy,” he responded.

“Okay. But if I don’t pick up on the first ring. Can you assume I’m indisposed and won’t pick up the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th ring either?”

“Sure.”

“Thank you,” I said. “So, what was so urgent that you needed to talk to me right away?”

He snickered. “I wanted to remind you to pick up some more toilet paper.”

 

©2020, Beckerman. All rights reserved. Follow Tracy on her Facebook Fan page at Facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage,  join the Lost in Midlife group at facebook.com/groups/lostinmidlife/ and follow on Instagram @TracyinMidlife

3 Comments

  • Carlotta Jackson

    ???

  • Sharon Dillon

    Oh yes, been there, done that, still doing that.
    Giggle, giggle!
    sd

    • admin

      I may be the only person on the planet who doesn’t take their phone into the bathroom. I go “old-School” and read the shampoo bottle label! lol!

Leave a reply