Here are some Halloween truths:

 

  • You will buy too much Halloween candy and you will eat whatever is leftover
  • Once that candy is gone, you will then start to sneak pieces of candy from your kids’ stash.
  • They will discover what you have done and you will need to quickly come up with a believable defense before the ugly truth comes out that you are The Mother of all Candy Thieves.

 

This is where I come in. I present to you Ten Things to Tell Your Kids When They Discover You Ate All Their Candy:

 

(Disclaimer: This only works when they are little. Once they are teenagers you are up the infamous chocolate creek without a paddle)

10. That was Halloween Candy. It expires after Christmas. That way you make more room for Valentine’s Candy.

 

 

9. I didn’t eat it. Your brother/sister//babysitter/grandmother/the dishwasher repairman/the UPS guy/Mrs. Butterworth/The Tooth Fairy/Aliens/Dr. Phil ate it.

8. NO, that is not chocolate on my mouth. It’s the new brown lipstick that is very in this year. All the Kardashians are wearing it.

7. Dr. Oz says people over 40 should have chocolate every day because it is rich in antioxidants. You’re under 40. You don’t need it .

6. This kid in a DeLorean appeared suddenly in the middle of our kitchen, took the candy, shoved it into something he called a Flux Capacitor, and disappeared again.

 

5. Scientists discovered the existence of a Black Hole right here in our pantry. It’s pretty exciting news but sadly, your candy got sucked into it and is now on the other side of the universe.

4. I got an email from a Prince in Nigeria who said if I sent him $2,500 and all our candy, he would share his fortune with me. It sounded like a good deal.

 

3. I’m sorry. I was so upset when I heard that Miley Cyrus and Cody Simpson broke up that I ate the candy and cried while I listened to “Wrecking Ball” for three hours.

2. There was never any candy. It was all just a dream.

1. Your father did it.

 

 

©2020, Beckerman. All rights reserved.  “Lost in Suburbia: A Momoir and Rebel without a Minivan make a great gift for a cool mom you love. Get a head start on the holidays and order yours HERE.

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