Every so often I get an email of doom that has been sent to me along with everyone else on the planet. The latest one I received warned that we are on the verge of a severe Global Chocolate Shortage.
The alleged cause is a combination of high demand and some alienesque choco-viruses that are attacking our beloved cocoa beans. Of course since people forward me this kind of email Armageddon all the time, I immediately had my doubts. But since this was chocolate they were talking about, and I have a love for chocolate that rivals my love for my children, you can imagine my total, utter, complete dismay bordering on hysteria when I got this email predicting the coming of a Chocapocalypse.
The truth is, I have never been a vanilla person. As a kid, I hated vanilla ice cream, thought vanilla wafers were a waste of time, and refused to eat yellow cake. As an adult, I became more tolerant of vanilla, but my one true love has and always and will continue to be chocolate. The chocolatey-er the better. Dark chocolate, milk chocolate, mint chocolate, peanut butter and chocolate, I am down for basically anything made with, filled with, or covered with chocolate with perhaps the only exception being chocolate covered bugs…. But the bugs are not necessarily a deal breaker.
Fortunately, according to the email, the CRC (Cocoa Research Center) is on the case, working on new strains of super cocoa beans that can stop these choco-viruses in their tracks. Their motto is, “To Chocolate Infinity and Beyond,” and they will stop at nothing to not only make more chocolate, but to make it better tasting as well. Sounds like a sweet plan to me.
However, I’m not betting that things will turn around that quickly, so like any smart chocoholic facing a Chocapocalypse, I started hoarding Kit Kats and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Could I, myself, be contributing to the shortage? Maybe. But I also have to put my family’s well being first and I know that once a month, if there is no chocolate in the house, things could get ugly.
Still, I’ m smart enough to realize that like many things I read on the Internet, this rumor might not actually be true. So, I checked the online authority on internet hearsay, Snopes.com, who proclaimed the Chocapocalypse to be mostly false, and predicted more of a likelihood of rising prices, than lack of chocolate.
I am down for basically anything made with, filled with, or covered with chocolate with perhaps the only exception being chocolate covered bugs…. But the bugs are not necessarily a deal breaker.
Relieved that I was less likely to run out of chocolate than be notified by an Arabian prince that I am the sole beneficiary of 160 million dollar inheritance and a herd of camels as long as I forward my social security number and the code to my bank account, I decided let go of my Chocapocalypse concerns and stop worrying that we will have to endure a Halloween comprised solely of Dum Dums.
… Not to be confused with the Dum Dum in my house who believed there was a Chocapocalypse coming.
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