I am the queen of organization. But the one place in the house that defies my vast organizational skills is the junk drawer. The junk drawer is that place in everyone’s home that becomes the final resting place for every pen, penny, tchotchke and doohickey that doesn’t belong anywhere else. The problem with the junk drawer, of course, is you can never find anything in it. It is like the black hole of the kitchen universe. Things get sucked in and then they never come out.
From time to time, the junk drawer becomes so completely overstuffed with junk that I do actually have to clean it out. While I am happy to finally get the drawer organized, I’m not a big fan of the actual cleaning. Since I am not the only one to dump stuff in the junk drawer, I have discovered such treasures as wadded-up tissues, teeth the tooth fairy forgot to take away, and even a dead mouse, once. Knowing that dead things could be expertly hidden in that drawer for a prolonged period of time, I might have suggested to authorities that they look for Jimmy Hoffa in there. But since a) the drawer isn’t really big enough to hold a person and b) if they did find him, it would have turned my kitchen into a media circus and then I would never have time to organize my junk drawer again, I didn’t bother.
I have discovered such treasures as wadded-up tissues,
teeth the tooth fairy forgot to take away, and even a
dead mouse, once.
The cause for the most recent excavation of the junk drawer was a pencil. My daughter needed one and although I swore up and down that there was a box of them in the junk drawer, neither of us could find one in there. However, since we pulled half the contents of the drawer out while searching for the pencil, I figured I might as well finish the job.
Here is what I found in the drawer:
- A dozen dried up Sharpie markers
- 8 broken pens
- 4 nail clippers
- A bazillion paper clips, staples, rubber bands, and buttons
- Loose change from a foreign country
- Loose change from this country
- Loose change with Chuck E. Cheese’s face on it
- A mini parasol umbrella from a tropical drink
- Two stale Doritos
- A Barbie head
- A folded up article about how to get rid of stink bugs
- A stink bug
- Scotch tape, duct tape, masking tape, packaging tape, electrical tape, wood glue, Elmer’s glue, and Gorilla glue.
- A tuning fork
- A cassette tape with a lot of the tape hanging out
- An open egg of Silly Putty
- Packets of soy sauce
- A Scooby doo pen light
- A sticker that says, “Be nice to me, I gave blood today.”
- No pencils.
They say you can learn a lot about a person by what they keep in their junk drawer. According to my junk drawer, I am a Dorito-snacking, blood-donating, soy sauce-loving, Barbie-decapitating, Chuck E. Cheese-visiting, tone-deaf and utterly pencil-less mom, who plays with silly putty and watches Scooby Doo, is tape and glue obsessed, and is desperate to get rid of Stink Bugs.
Sounds about right.
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