Lost in Midlife

Above and Beyond the Call of Nature

Above and Beyond the Call of Nature

Contrary to popular belief, the three words a woman likes to hear most from her husband are not, “I love you.” They are, “You were right.” So, you can imagine my utter, sheer, uncontainable joy when I heard the news this week that there was finally proof of something I had been telling my husband for years: Toilet paper is…

Can You See me Now?

Can You See me Now?

Not long after my fiftieth birthday I noticed a disturbing trend.  Everyone had suddenly started printing things smaller. As I looked around, I was shocked to see that the type on the food packaging had gotten smaller, the words in the newspaper and magazines I read had gotten smaller, and the names on street signs had gotten smaller. As a…

A Cronut by Any Other Name

A Cronut by Any Other Name

“Ummm, this is good,” said my husband with a mouthful of food. “What is it?” I looked up from the kitchen sink where I was doing dishes.  “It’s a cronut.” “A what?” “A cronut.  It’s part croissant part doughnut.” He looked at me like I had two heads. “I was actually going to get some duffins, but the cronuts looked…

What’s Hiding in Your Junk Drawer?

What’s Hiding in Your Junk Drawer?

I am the queen of organization. But the one place in the house that defies my vast organizational skills is the junk drawer. The junk drawer is that place in everyone’s home that becomes the final resting place for every pen, penny, tchotchke and doohickey that doesn’t belong anywhere else. The problem with the junk drawer, of course, is you…

I’m Dreaming of a Ruff Christmas

I’m Dreaming of a Ruff Christmas

As we worked our way through the holiday season, I was prepared for the onslaught of Christmas music, Christmas decorations, and Christmas sales. What I was not prepared for, was the Christmas sweaters… On dogs. “Excuse me,” I said to the lady with a unhappy looking pug wearing a Christmas romper with writing on it. “What does it say on your…

T’was a Week Before Christmas

T’was a Week Before Christmas

’Twas a week before Christmas and our wallets were bare… There wasn’t so much as a dollar in there The gift cards were purchased, the stockings were stuffed Even the eggnog tureen had been buffed.   The bonus was gone, the tips had been tipped The gift to Aunt Martha had finally been shipped. The lines at the mall were…

The Brapocalypse

The Brapocalypse

My philosophy has always been, when you find something that works, stick with it.  This was true for my preferred brand of peanut butter, my husband, and my bras.  Although some people may find it boring to stick with the same style of bra for years and years, for those of us who are a tough fit, finding a good…