Here are some Halloween truths: You will buy too much Halloween candy and you will eat whatever is leftover Once that candy is gone, you will then start to sneak pieces of candy from your kids’ stash. They will discover what you have done and you will need to quickly come up with a believable defense before the ugly…
About five years ago I noticed that the shallow lines on my forehead had started to morph into wandering rivers. Since I wear my hair very short, there wasn’t really any way to cover them up and I complained to my husband that I was starting to look old. “How old do you think you look?” he asked. “Around fifty,”…
“I got an invitation on Facebook to join the Magnetic Eyelashes Fan Group,” I told my husband as I stared at my computer screen. “What does that even mean,” he asked incredulously. “It’s a group on Facebook for people who like Magnetic Eyelashes, I assume.” “Is that a thing?” he said. “Apparently,” I said. “Although I have no idea what…
I’m having an affair. My kids know, of course, because they’re often with me when it happens. I know its wrong, but no matter how many promises I make to myself, I seem unable to stop it. Much as I hate to admit it, I’m in love… with French fries. I truly loathe my weakness. I know it’s bad for…
Every so often I get an email of doom from a friend that they got from another friend that had been circulated around the email universe for a year or more. The latest one I received warned that we are on the verge of a severe Global Chocolate Shortage. I immediately had my doubts. But since this was chocolate they…
Like many women I know, I have a vast array of shoes. Unlike clothing, shoes, for the most part, continue to fit whether you gain or lose weight, so they are the bright spot in a sometimes cruel and taunting closet. For this reason, women take their shoes very seriously and many will spend quite some time organizing their shoes…
It was one of those days where everything was taking a ridiculously long time. There was a line at the drycleaners. A line at the supermarket. A line at the coffee shop. I was starting to think that everyone in the world had the same to-do list that I did; they were just one to-do ahead of me the whole…
I’ve been blocked on Facebook… again. When I say, again, I don’t mean to make it sound like it’s something that happens all the time. As far as I know it’s only been two times. But even two times is a lot when you’re used to getting along with everyone and, to your knowledge, have never been accused of something…
This year, I worked hard to drop a few pounds over the winter so that when the summer arrived, I wouldn’t have to face my annual swimwear terror attack. Honestly, I find shark-infested waters less scary than trying on bathing suits. Bungee jumping? Piece of cake. Wrestling alligators? Not a problem. Standing half-naked in front of a three-way mirror when I…
“Oh no!” I cried from the bathroom. “Honey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” My husband ran into the room, wondering, I’m sure, what kind of tragedy could have transpired with only me, the sink, and the toilet in the room. “I’ve made a terrible mistake,” I said, looking at him forlornly. “What???” he asked. “I used my night cream instead…